dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
