i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize