Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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