I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
