Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
