Non-Jews are for practice
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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