I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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