the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize