My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
