dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
