she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
