I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
