Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
