Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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