we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
