I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
