I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
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