fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
