drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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