my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
