the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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