What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
As shirtless as possible
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
