I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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