mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
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