gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
