i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
