and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
