He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
