Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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