you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Also, beer. Big fan.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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