I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
