i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
