My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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