Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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