I faked an abortion last night.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
