apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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