When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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