You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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