16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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