if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
