i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
