Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
