How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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