Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
