you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize