Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
