I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize