remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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