when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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