She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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