You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Randomize
