Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize
