so explain again why im purple
no
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize