i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
