Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
