I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
