It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
