He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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