well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize