Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
