I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
