I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
