you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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