just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
