I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
