I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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