I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm too high and old for this...
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