They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
