Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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