i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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