from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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