Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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