How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
