Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
